Ant Season!


Mmmmmmm I would not put that there if I were you Why not? Cause its ant season Ants B? Are you seriously talking about ants? First of all if a freaken ant came on my table like this it would be Before it could even get there! You know how ants roll Ant will get to the food and be like Commander, Commander we have peanut butter on a fricken spaceship Send the crew!!! And the crew would fricken show up bro You know what would happen? They’d get smoothed too! There ain’t no fricken ants coming on my table B You understand me? What the f*** man!?

The Daily Show – Samantha Bee’s Goodbye

The Daily Show – Samantha Bee’s Goodbye


WE HAVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD A
FEW TIMES THIS YEAR. EACH TIME IT’S NOT EASY. TONIGHT MARKS THE END OF AN ERA,
THE FINAL SHOW OF THE LONGEST SERVING MEMBER OF THE GREATEST
[BLEEP] NEWS TEAM, SAMANTHA BEE. IT ALL STARTED BACK IN 2003 OT
THREE. THE BUSH PRESIDENCY WAS ENTERING
ITS TERRIBLE TWOs. THE IRAQ WAR WAS JUST STARTING. SO WE NEEDED A CORRESPONDENT, WE
LOOKED IN THE USUAL PLACES, YOUR LIQUOR STORES, YOUR BETTING
PARLORS, YOUR METHADONE CLINICS, AND OBVIOUSLY GOOGLE MAPS WAS
IN ITS NASCENT STAGES, AND WE TOOK A WRONG TURN,
WE ENDED UP IN CANADA. (LAUGHTER)
AND WE FOUND THIS, THIS, THIS JUST DELIGHTFUL, INCREDIBLY
FUNNY, PERSON, SAM BEE. SO WE HID HER IN THE TRUNK AND
RACED BACK OVER THE BORDER PURSUED BY MOUNTIES. CANADA HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS
LOSING.>>HAVE YOU HAD A HOT CARL SINCE
YOU’VE BEEN HERE?>>I HAVE NOT. I JUST,
YOU KNOW, THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO, I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO
DO EVERYTHING YET.>>I COULD TOTALLY SEE IF LONG
ISLAND SECEDED AS ITS OWN STATE.>>WE’RE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT
GROUP OF PEOPLE.>>WHAT STATE COULD YOU BEAT UP?>>IRELAND.>>I DON’T THINK THAT COUNTS.>>OH, STATES, I’M SORRY.>>OTHER STATES.>>I FEEL LIKE A RETARD NOW.>>OTHER STATES NOT IN EUROPE.>>STATEN ISLAND.>>OTHER STATES.>>CANADA?>>CANADA? OKAY.>>NONE OF THESE TOOLS ARE
STERILE.>>OKAY, WELL NEITHER IS THIS.
SO LET’S GO. GET STARTED. CAN I CALL YOU
BACK? MY MOM IS IN MY ROOM, AND SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME
ABOUT SOMETHING! I’M SAMANTHA BEE AND I WATCH
THE FIVE! IT’S THE TALE OF A WINSOME
BLONDE INGENUE, DANA PARINO. THERE’S GOT TO BE A CATCH! COULD YOU MAKE IT SNAPPY?
I’VE GOT PLACES TO BE. SERIOUSLY OKAY, DRIPPING WET BALLS. IGNORE THIS. BABY’S ON FIRE AGAIN. DAMN IT. YOU TWO TIMING MONSTER — AHHH! I’M THE ONE GETTING FLOWN OUT
OF THIS (BLEEP) POOL! ONE PILL MAKES YOU LARGER AND — LET IT RING!>>WELL I THINK A LOT OF THE
TIME IT FEELS LIKE A THANKLESS JOB. PEOPLE THINK OUR DAY ENDS AT
3:00 AND THAT’S NOT THE CASE. WE FEEL UNAPPRECIATED.>>GIVES MEN BASICALLY INSTANT
ERECTIONS. TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF DOING.>>OH BOY, OKAY, OKAY. HAVE YOU HAD YOUR PICTURE TAKEN
WITH A BLACK PERSON YET?>>WELL, I DON’T THINK SO, BUT I
WOULDN’T MIND DOING IT.>>THAT’S SOMETHING YOU WOULD BE
WILLING TO TRY?>>WHY, CERTAINLY.>>THERE’S PLENTY OF THEM.>>I KNOW.>>DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THEM IN
MONTANA?>>WE DON’T, YOU KNOW. WE DON’T
HAVE ANY. IN FACT, OUR KIDS WERE PRETTY
OLD BEFORE THEY SAW ONE.>>Jon: HERE’S A LITTLE
SOMETHING, SOME DAILY SHOW TRIVIA, OF ALL OF OUR
CORRESPONDENTS SAM IS ONLY THE THIRD CORRESPONDENT
TO EVER GET HER FACE STUCK IN A PENIS PUMP. BUT WHILE SHE COULD ALWAYS DO
THE SILLY, THE SAM PIECES THAT I LOVED THE BEST ARE THE ONES
CLOSEST TO HER HEART.>>SARAH PALIN TOOK THE STAGE
AND SILENCED HER CRITICS. BUT THERE’S ONE ISSUE FOR WHICH
SHE’S STILL BEING UNFAIRLY ATTACKED.>>IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE
THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE SEIZED ON THE ISSUE OF BRISTOL’S
PREGNANCY.>>I THINK IT’S A FAMILY ISSUE.>>YOU KNOW, SHE’S GOING TO HAVE
THE BABY, SHE’S GOING TO GET MARRIED..>>SHE SAID NO, IT’S A HUMAN
BEING.>>SHE MADE THE — I’M SORRY,
WHAT IS THE DECISION — THE DECISION — THERE’S ANOTHER
WORD I’M LOOKING FOR. I THINK IT RHYMES WITH VOICE. EVERY FAMILY AND EVERY WOMAN
SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO — I’M SORRY, WHAT’S THE WORD I’M
LOOKING FOR? IT’S HER FAMILY, IT’S HER —
GOD, WHAT IS THE WORD? WHAT IS THE WORD
I’M LOOKING FOR? IT’S LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A LOT
OF OPTIONS, AND YOU HAVE TO SELECT ONE. WHAT’S THE WORD
I’M LOOKING FOR? WHAT IS THE WORD I’M LOOKING
FOR?>>ADOPTION IS ONE.>>NO, THERE’S A SPECIFIC WORD
I’M LOOKING FOR.>>YES, BUT I DON’T THINK THE —
I DON’T THINK THAT THE DECISION — I THINK IT SHOULD
BE — NOT — I THINK THAT THE FAMILY DECISION WOULD BECOME —
THAT’S HOW — YES. OKAY.>>A DIFFERENT CHOICE? CHOICE! YES! EXACTLY! EVERY FAMILY, EVERY PERSON
SHOULD HAVE THE CHOICE TO DECIDE WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM!>>THERE MAY SEE A 10-YEAR-OLD
OUT THERE PICKING TOBACCO BUT YOU WON’T SEE HIM THERE ALL DAY.>>I WORK 12 HOURS A DAY IN THE
TOBACCO FARM.>>OR SOMETIMES A LITTLBE BIT
LONGER.>>OKAY, WOW. YOU’RE MAKING IT
VERY HARD FOR ME TO IRONICALLY SUPPORT
CHILD TOBACCO LABOR. THE PRESIDENT SAYS THAT HE WANTS
US TO TALK ABOUT RACE. SO LET’S TALK ABOUT RACE! YOU GO FIRST.>>I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT IF
YOU STARTED OFF.>>I DON’T THINK IT WOULD BE
GREAT AT ALL.>>IF YOU’RE SCARED, SAY YOU’RE
SCARED. (LAUGHTER)
>>WHY WOULD I BE SCARED? NO! I’M NOT AT ALL. I’M JUST INCREDIBLY
UNCOMFORTABLE.>>I KNOW THE PERCENTAGE IS SO
SMALL, SO SMALL OF A PERSON BECOMING PREGNANT FROM A RAPE
THAT I JUST DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT’S EVEN IN THE EQUATION
BECAUSE THEY SAY THAT PERCENTAGE IS JUST, LIKE, ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE. NOT IMPOSSIBLE BUT CLOSE, AND
THERE HAVE BEEN SOME CASES.>>YEAH, PROBABLY ABOUT 32,000 A
YEAR.>>IS IT 32? OKAY.
>>THOUSAND.>>YEAH, OKAY.
>>32,000.>>WOMEN IN COMBAT POSITIONS ARE
A THREAT TO MILITARY COHESION. IT’S NOT CLEAR THAT MEN CAN
ACTUALLY BOND WITH WOMEN. MEN JOIN THE INFANTRY BECAUSE
THEY WANT TO FIGHT.>>SORRY, EXCUSE ME FOR ONE
SECOND. OKAY. OKAY, THAT’S MUCH BETTER.
SORRY.>>GIRLS BECOME WOMEN BY GETTING
OLDER. BOYS BECOME MEN BY ACCOMPLISHING
SOMETHING, BY PROVING SOMETHING.>>OKAY. HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY MET A
WOMAN BEFORE?>>SEVERAL.>>UM… A WOMAN WHO DID NOT WANT TO
STRANGLE YOU?>>THE REVERSE HAPPENS AS WELL,
WHERE HOMOSEXUALS GO OUT AND FIND STRAIGHTS TO BEAT UP.>>REALLY?>>YEAH.>>ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? HEY! WATCH OUT! I’VE GOT A CHRISTIAN! GUYS! DAMN IT! IT’S LIKE YOU CAN’T EVEN GO ON
THE RADIO ANYMORE AND CONDEMN A WHOLE SUBSET OF PEOPLE TO HELL
WITHOUT GETTING SOME BLOWBACK.>>WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY IT
DOES SOUND RATHER ARROGANT, MYOPIC, NARROW-MINDED AND
BIGOTED.>>GOOD, THEN I’VE DONE MY JOB.>>Jon: PLEASE WELCOME OUR
SENIOR, SENIOR CORRESPONDENT CORRESPONDENT SAMANTHA BEE! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SPIDER-MAN vs KYLO REN


[ ♪ ♪ ] Kyle Ren: Ah hah ha! [ ♪ ♪ ] Spider-Man: Huh?! Kylo Ren: Oh no! [ ♪ ♪ ] Darth Vader: Spidey! Darth Here, use this. [ ♪ ♪ ] [ ♪ ♪ ] Kylo Ren:This Ewok knows the location of Luke Skywalker. Kylo Ren: He’s strong with the force. He’s stronger than he knows. [ ♪ ♪ ] [ ♪ ♪ ] [ ♪ ♪ ] [ ♪ ♪ ] [ ♪ ♪ ] Sean: Those lightsabers are no joke. We almost hurt each other fooling around with them. If you ever get a hold of a real life lightsaber always remember lightsaber safety. Tulock, what?! Alex M, hello! And Martin Solage! New Subscriber Alert! Joshua Newman, Caleb Pierce, Dr. Who and Mr. Eddie Jr. Are you a new subscriber? What was your favourite part of this video? Let me know in the comments, I’ll shout you out! [ ♪ ♪ ]

Samantha Bee Films ‘Full Frontal’ In Hong Kong During Protests | TODAY

Samantha Bee Films ‘Full Frontal’ In Hong Kong During Protests | TODAY


>>>BACK TO THE “3rd HOUR OF>>>BACK TO THE “3rd HOUR OF TODAY” THIS MORNING, WE ARE TODAY” THIS MORNING, WE ARE CATCHING UP WITH THE VERY FUNNY CATCHING UP WITH THE VERY FUNNY SAMANTHA BEE, AS HOST OF “FULL SAMANTHA BEE, AS HOST OF “FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE” SHE FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE” SHE USES THAT HUMOR WITH A REALLY USES THAT HUMOR WITH A REALLY INTERESTING TAKE ON THE NEWS. INTERESTING TAKE ON THE NEWS.>>JUST PICKED UP FOR SEASON 5.>>JUST PICKED UP FOR SEASON 5. THEY HAVE A SPECIAL EPISODE THEY HAVE A SPECIAL EPISODE COMING SKPUP COMING SKPUP COMING UP AND SHE’S HERE TO COMING UP AND SHE’S HERE TO SHARE MORE ABOUT THAT EPISODE. SHARE MORE ABOUT THAT EPISODE. YOU WENT TO HONG KONG. YOU WENT TO HONG KONG.>>I DID.>>I DID. IT WAS AMAZING. IT WAS AMAZING. WE HAVE THE FOOTAGE WE RETRIEVED WE HAVE THE FOOTAGE WE RETRIEVED FROM HONG KONG AND TELLING THE FROM HONG KONG AND TELLING THE STORY OF WHAT’S GOING ON THERE STORY OF WHAT’S GOING ON THERE IN AN INTERESTING WAY, OUR WAY. IN AN INTERESTING WAY, OUR WAY.>>YOU FOUND HUMOR IN THE>>YOU FOUND HUMOR IN THE PROTESTS? PROTESTS?>>WE DID.>>WE DID. IT’S FUNNY, WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE IT’S FUNNY, WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE A COMEDY SHOW OUT OF THE NEWS, A COMEDY SHOW OUT OF THE NEWS, YOU END UP FINDING THAT WHEREVER YOU END UP FINDING THAT WHEREVER YOU GO IN THE WORLD, THERE ARE YOU GO IN THE WORLD, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DO THAT TOO. PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DO THAT TOO. THERE’S A COMEDY ANGLE TO ALMOST THERE’S A COMEDY ANGLE TO ALMOST ANY STORY. ANY STORY.>>DID THE FOLKS THERE THAT YOU>>DID THE FOLKS THERE THAT YOU TALKED TO KIND OF GET THAT YOU TALKED TO KIND OF GET THAT YOU WERE DOING SOMETHING FUNNY? WERE DOING SOMETHING FUNNY?>>WELL, WE TOLD THEM THAT WE>>WELL, WE TOLD THEM THAT WE WERE A COMEDY SHOW PRIMARILY BUT WERE A COMEDY SHOW PRIMARILY BUT THEY DID, YOU KNOW, THEY DID NOT THEY DID, YOU KNOW, THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE WERE DOING, UNDERSTAND WHAT WE WERE DOING, BUT WE DEFINITELY, THEY WENT ON BUT WE DEFINITELY, THEY WENT ON THE JOURNEY WITH US, AND I THINK THE JOURNEY WITH US, AND I THINK THEY LIKED THE STORY OF WHAT’S THEY LIKED THE STORY OF WHAT’S HAPPENING THERE WAS BEING SEEN HAPPENING THERE WAS BEING SEEN THROUGH A DIFFERENT LENS SO I THROUGH A DIFFERENT LENS SO I THINK THEY APPRECIATED IT. THINK THEY APPRECIATED IT. EVERYBODY HAS A GOOD TIME WHEN EVERYBODY HAS A GOOD TIME WHEN THEY COME ON THE SHOW. THEY COME ON THE SHOW. IF WE ASK YOU TO COME ON THE IF WE ASK YOU TO COME ON THE SHOW YOU SHOULD DO IT. SHOW YOU SHOULD DO IT.>>PLEASE.>>PLEASE.>>COVERING THE CHAOS AHEAD THAT>>COVERING THE CHAOS AHEAD THAT WILL BE THE 2020 ELECTION, ARE WILL BE THE 2020 ELECTION, ARE WE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT? WE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT?>>WELL, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO>>WELL, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT, ACTUALLY. THAT, ACTUALLY. I KNOW THAT MAKES NO SENSE. I KNOW THAT MAKES NO SENSE.>>FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE>>FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE AS A COMEDIAN, YOU’LL HAVE LOTS AS A COMEDIAN, YOU’LL HAVE LOTS OF MATERIAL. OF MATERIAL.>>IT’S VERY DIFFERENT.>>IT’S VERY DIFFERENT. WE LAUNCHED THE SHOW IN 2015, WE LAUNCHED THE SHOW IN 2015, WHICH WAS A VERY DIFFERENT WHICH WAS A VERY DIFFERENT FEELING ELECTION SEASON, IT WAS FEELING ELECTION SEASON, IT WAS LIKE KIND OF AN UNLIMITED CLOWN LIKE KIND OF AN UNLIMITED CLOWN CAR, I WOULD SAY. CAR, I WOULD SAY. I THINK I’M BEING GENEROUS, AND I THINK I’M BEING GENEROUS, AND THIS TIME AROUND IT’S, YOU KNOW, THIS TIME AROUND IT’S, YOU KNOW, WE’RE MANY YEARS INTO THIS WE’RE MANY YEARS INTO THIS ADMINISTRATION, THE TONE IS ADMINISTRATION, THE TONE IS REALLY DIFFERENT, SO I THINK REALLY DIFFERENT, SO I THINK THAT IT BEHOOUFS ALL OF US TO THAT IT BEHOOUFS ALL OF US TO BRING SOME JOY TO IT, THAT’S BRING SOME JOY TO IT, THAT’S WHAT I’M GOING TO DO STARTING WHAT I’M GOING TO DO STARTING WAN ALL PINK SUIT. WAN ALL PINK SUIT. I’M GOING FROM OUTSIDE IN. I’M GOING FROM OUTSIDE IN.>>MY PRODUCER LOVES THE SUIT.>>MY PRODUCER LOVES THE SUIT.>>THAT’S REALLY NICE.>>THAT’S REALLY NICE. I APPRECIATE THAT. I APPRECIATE THAT.>>IS THERE ALMOST TOO MUCH>>IS THERE ALMOST TOO MUCH STUFF OSTEOTO COVER? STUFF OSTEOTO COVER?>>YES.>>YES. I MEAN, YES, OF COURSE IT IS. I MEAN, YES, OF COURSE IT IS. YOU MUST FEEL THAT TOO. YOU MUST FEEL THAT TOO. ANYONE WHO’S ON A NEWS BASED ANYONE WHO’S ON A NEWS BASED SHOW FEELS THE SAME WAY SO LIKE SHOW FEELS THE SAME WAY SO LIKE WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER, DO YOU WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. KNOW WHAT I MEAN.>>WE ARE.>>WE ARE.>>WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT.>>WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT.>>THERE’S CERTAIN DAYS THAT I>>THERE’S CERTAIN DAYS THAT I WISH I COULD COVER IT THE WAY WISH I COULD COVER IT THE WAY THAT YOU GET TO COVER IT. THAT YOU GET TO COVER IT.>>LET ME TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY>>LET ME TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY OF JOY. OF JOY. TAKE MY HAND AND I TAKE YOU WITH TAKE MY HAND AND I TAKE YOU WITH ME, AND WE WILL GO TO WALK ME, AND WE WILL GO TO WALK TOGETHER JOYFULLY INTO 2020. TOGETHER JOYFULLY INTO 2020. PRAY FOR US. PRAY FOR US.>>LET’S TALK ABOUT, WHILE WE>>LET’S TALK ABOUT, WHILE WE HAVE YOU HERE, LAST YEAR YOU HAVE YOU HERE, LAST YEAR YOU CAUGHT SOME FLAK, A FAIR AMOUNT CAUGHT SOME FLAK, A FAIR AMOUNT OF FLAK FOR THOSE COMMENTS ABOUT OF FLAK FOR THOSE COMMENTS ABOUT IVANKA TRUMP, WHAT DID YOU LEARN IVANKA TRUMP, WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THAT? FROM THAT? ARE YOU NOT GOING TO — ARE YOU NOT GOING TO –>>I DIDN’T LEARN MUCH.>>I DIDN’T LEARN MUCH. LET’S NOT GET CRAZY. LET’S NOT GET CRAZY. I STILL HAVE A SHOW TO DO, I I STILL HAVE A SHOW TO DO, I STILL HAVE A COMEDY SHOW TO DO. STILL HAVE A COMEDY SHOW TO DO. I DIDN’T LEARN ALL THAT MUCH I DIDN’T LEARN ALL THAT MUCH FROM THAT. FROM THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT, I LEARNED I CAN YOU KNOW WHAT, I LEARNED I CAN REALLY TAKE IT. REALLY TAKE IT.>>THAT’S TRUE.>>THAT’S TRUE.>>I LEARNED THAT I CAN WALK>>I LEARNED THAT I CAN WALK THROUGH FIRE, AND EMERGE ON THE THROUGH FIRE, AND EMERGE ON THE OTHER SIDE ALIVE. OTHER SIDE ALIVE.>>YOU LAUNCHED A POLITICAL>>YOU LAUNCHED A POLITICAL TRIVIA GAME. TRIVIA GAME.>>I DID.>>I DID.>>TOTALLY UNRIGGED PRIMARY.>>TOTALLY UNRIGGED PRIMARY. HOW DOES THIS THING WORK. HOW DOES THIS THING WORK.>>IS IT AN APP?>>IS IT AN APP?>>IT’S A REALLY FUNNY APP, IT A>>IT’S A REALLY FUNNY APP, IT A TRIVIA BASED APP, FUNNY TRIVIA TRIVIA BASED APP, FUNNY TRIVIA QUESTION. QUESTION. LIKE FANTASY FOOTBALL, MEETS HQ. LIKE FANTASY FOOTBALL, MEETS HQ. YOU CAN GO AND DOWNLOAD THE APP YOU CAN GO AND DOWNLOAD THE APP AND PLAY IT, WHICH I KNOW YOU AND PLAY IT, WHICH I KNOW YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE WILL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SEGMENT. SEGMENT.>>IS IT A FREE APP?>>IS IT A FREE APP?>>WELL, THAT’S A GREAT — YES.>>WELL, THAT’S A GREAT — YES.>>SURE, LET’S SAY YES.>>SURE, LET’S SAY YES.>>SURE, WHY NOT.>>SURE, WHY NOT.>>ANYWAYS, IT’S VERY FUN, AND>>ANYWAYS, IT’S VERY FUN, AND WHAT IT WILL TRAIN YOU TO DO IS WHAT IT WILL TRAIN YOU TO DO IS GET BEHIND ONE CANDIDATE WHICH GET BEHIND ONE CANDIDATE WHICH IS SOMETHING WE’RE ALL GOING TO IS SOMETHING WE’RE ALL GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO. HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO.>>EVENTUALLY.>>EVENTUALLY.>>EVENTUALLY.>>EVENTUALLY. SOMETIME REAL SOON WOULD BE SOMETIME REAL SOON WOULD BE GREAT. GREAT.>>HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US, YOU AND>>HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US, YOU AND YOUR HUBBY, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR YOUR HUBBY, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR THE HOLIDAYS? THE HOLIDAYS?>>WE LOVE THE HOLIDAYS, I>>WE LOVE THE HOLIDAYS, I PERSONALLY PLAN TO LIKE LAY DOWN PERSONALLY PLAN TO LIKE LAY DOWN AND BAKE BREAD AND BAKE MYSELF AND BAKE BREAD AND BAKE MYSELF INTO A LOAF OF BREAD AND EAT MY INTO A LOAF OF BREAD AND EAT MY WAY OUT, BUT WE, I DON’T KNOW, WAY OUT, BUT WE, I DON’T KNOW, I’M REALLY EXCITED TO RELAX. I’M REALLY EXCITED TO RELAX. IT’S A POSSIBILITY FOR US. IT’S A POSSIBILITY FOR US. I DON’T KNOW, WE LOVE THE I DON’T KNOW, WE LOVE THE HOLIDAY, WE REALLY TRY TO DRAW HOLIDAY, WE REALLY TRY TO DRAW THEM OUT A LITTLE. THEM OUT A LITTLE.>>LIKE YOU CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS>>LIKE YOU CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS INTO JANUARY. INTO JANUARY.>>NO, WE LOVE THE DAY, WE LIKE>>NO, WE LOVE THE DAY, WE LIKE KIND OF THE BUILD UP TO THE DAY, KIND OF THE BUILD UP TO THE DAY, AND THEN ON THE DAY OUR KIDS AND THEN ON THE DAY OUR KIDS WAKE UP REALLY LATE BECAUSE THEY WAKE UP REALLY LATE BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT THE DAY TO END, AND DON’T WANT THE DAY TO END, AND THEN JASON HAS THIS PROCESS THEN JASON HAS THIS PROCESS WHERE HE MAKES US UNWRAP GIFTS WHERE HE MAKES US UNWRAP GIFTS LIKE ALL DAY, WE GO VERY SLOWLY. LIKE ALL DAY, WE GO VERY SLOWLY.>>I LIKE THAT.>>I LIKE THAT.>>BY THE TIME WE’RE FINISHED>>BY THE TIME WE’RE FINISHED EVERYONE’S LIKE NO MORE. EVERYONE’S LIKE NO MORE. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP.>>MOMMY’S STILL IN THE LOAF OF>>MOMMY’S STILL IN THE LOAF OF BREAD. BREAD.>>JUST PEEKING OUT.>>JUST PEEKING OUT.>>I ENJOYED THIS.>>I ENJOYED THIS. COME BACK. COME BACK.>>THANK YOU.>>THANK YOU. WE’LL COME ON YOUR SHOW, YOU WE’LL COME ON YOUR SHOW, YOU COME ON OURS.

Jijaji Chhat Per Hai – Ep 534 – Full Episode – 28th January 2020


Look,
I am unable to reach her. It has been so long,
she hasn’t returned yet. She didn’t even inform
that she’s got sprain in leg. Actually, sir,
I don’t understand this. What?
– Elaichi is so strong and she’s so active.
How can she get leg sprain? I mean she must have got it
if she’s saying. But you know? She’s always in hurry.
Do you know? God knows where she is roaming
around with Pancham. Please try calling Pancham. I tried, but even he
is not answering. Let me try again. Just fix it. Make it fast.
– Yes, I am on it.. Hello, Dad. – Hey, where
are you? How are you? Tell me. You didn’t even inform
that you’ve got leg sprain. Where are you roaming around
with Pancham? Come on, Dad. My entire leg
was twisted. Had I been late, this sprain
would’ve turned into fracture. What do you mean? What nonsense are you
talking about? How can that happen?
You’re simply talking nonsense. Tell me honestly. How much
you’re injured? Tell me. Come on, Dad. I’ll show you after coming
home. I am badly injured. As of now, I am going
to the doctor with Mr. Pancham. They’ll give me plaster
and all, then I’ll come. Actually, Dad, I am feeling
very scared. What if it’s a permanent
injury? – Hey, just stop it. Should I come there? No..
Please don’t come. Mr. Pancham is here.
He’ll handle it. Okay, I am disconnecting.
Okay, bye. She disconnected. Ms. Elaichi, are you all right?
Rickshaw is ready. No, I won’t be able to walk.
I think my.. What if it’s really a fracture? No, Ms. Elaichi,
please don’t panic. Had it been a fracture, you
wouldn’t be able to walk. Please come.
– When did I walk? It was so difficult
for me to walk. I am asking you to carry me.
– Sorry? I mean, at least, let me hang
on your shoulders. Look, Ms. Elaichi, you won’t
need to do all this. Please come with me,
I’ll take you to the doctor. Yes, let me call the doctor.
– Please.. Yes. Hello, Dr. Prakash. This is Mr. Murari’s daughter,
Elaichi. Actually, I’ve got sprain
in my leg very badly and I am injured. I thought to come and consult,
as I am near your clinic. What! You’re in Suyash Dhaba? What! You won’t come back
to the clinic? What! Should we come
to Suyash Dhaba? Okay..
We’ll be there in five minutes. Yes, just wait there
and don’t go away, please. It’s very painful.. Let’s go to Suyash Dhaba.
– Yes, let’s go.. Hold me, Mr. Pancham, please. B-Be careful. Give me your shoulder.. Okay, come on, everybody.
Let’s go.. – Just a moment.. From here..
– Sorry. Okay?
– Okay. Please keep my phone.
– Yes. Let’s go now.
– Come. Oh, God! Mr. Pancham, stop!
– Mister, just a moment. Let’s go. Oh, my God! – Sorry.
– Help me.. – Oh.. Let’s go.
– Oh.. Just a moment. Let’s go..
Gone.. Come..
– It’s so painful. Oh, God! Ms. Elaichi, are you all right? Look for the doctor.
– Which doctor? The doctor who called us here.
– Yes, let me call him up. Is he not here?
– I don’t see him. Call him up. Hello. Yes, Doctor, where are you?
I’ve reached. What!
Have you gone somewhere else? But you asked me
to come here. Oh.. What!
Should I come there? Okay, fine..
I am coming. But I am feeling headache
out of this pain. I’ll eat something and come.
Will that be fine? Okay, thanks. What happened? Look, how strange
this doctor is. Another patient was paying
more money and went to him. He left. Does that mean we have to go
somewhere else, Ms. Elaichi? Of course. Should I go home
with fractured bone? Anyway, leave it. Would you like
to eat something? I am feeling very hungry. No, Ms. Elaichi. Actually, we
don’t have time to eat food. Actually, I promised Sargam
to go for a movie with her and she’s waiting for me. She needs the kind of music
that’s in the movie. For Canada.
That’s the reason. I have got a fracture here and you’re still worried about
your plan with Sargam! How can you be so insensitive! You don’t want the prayers
of this helpless girl with a fractured leg. You just want to watch
a movie with her, right? Even I am not interested
in eating food with you here. Actually, my BP has become low
out of pain. That’s why I wanted
to eat something. Silent. Sir! – Please
give her something to eat. Sir, take down the order. Mixed veg ‘Pakoda’
– ‘Pakoda. One cheese bread. You have
‘Chole Bature’, right? – Yes. Get me a hot plate of
‘Chole Bature’. And yes,
a plate of Jalebi with Rabdi. And I want
the Jalebi a bit roasted. Please get it.
– Yes, ma’am. Cockroach.. Amazing! Everyone here,
for the first time ever.. a cockroach cured
a human being’s sprain. Enough.
Now everyone eat your food. And, Ms. Elaichi you too eat your food. I don’t want
to talk to you. Mr. Pancham,
listen to me. How will eat so
much food by myself? Mr. Pancham.. My life is
full of troubles. Ms. Sargam.. Can I join you? I am coming
inside the room. Ms. Sargam, I am sorry.
I was.. Pancham, don’t you
think you’re quite early? Ms. Sargam,
I am very sorry.. that I made
you wait so long. It’s okay. I love wasting time. Don’t you worry.
I am here for that from Canada. Don’t you say so,
please. I apologize
to you once again. You did see how
hurt Ms. Elaichi was. And I had to
take her to the doctor. The entire day? Was it a leg surgery? Ms. Sargam, how to
tell you what happened today? When we left to take
Ms. Elaichi to the doctor Pancham]she called
the doctor on the way and the doctor told
he is in ‘Suyash hotel.’ We went to
that hotel in a hurry and once there
we learnt he’s not there. And the day
was spent this way. And later I found
out Ms. Elaichi was acting. And she wasn’t hurt,
she was just faking it. What?
– Yes. Even I was angry
when I learnt about it. Same here. Even I am
angry on you on knowing this. I mean, how can you
be such a fool, Pancham? Ms. Sargam,
you don’t understand In order to get
fooled by Ms. Elaichi one needn’t be a fool. She fools even
the brightest of people. I’ve understood
that you hold no value for me. What are you saying? I hold you
in the highest regard. Pancham,
Elaichi is your ex-girlfriend. That doesn’t mean she’ll
control over you even today. I mean.. Come on..
Not all the time. Ms. Sargam,
I myself am very worried. Please forgive me. I won’t repeat
this mistake the next time. Sure?
– Sure. Okay, apologize to me
with your hands over your ears. What?
– Hurry up, do it. I forgive you
as your face is so cute. Thank you, Ms. Sargam. Once again,
I am really sorry. It’s okay. Well,
I am sleepy so, good night. Good night. Once again,
I am really sorry. Okay. Did you finish
the job I gave you? Yes, it’s done.
Here’s the proof. A bangle
that belongs to ma’am. Oh, my God! I told you to be evil
but you became a thief? No, I didn’t steal it. Ma’am made this
herself with a lot of love. Why? Will you be
giving a good news? Hey, be quiet. You’re very naughty,
Ms. Sunita. Hey, love birds.. Keep your love story
aside as mine is falling apart. And your worried
about giving good news? And please tell me.. When a person
humiliates someone they are made to wear
a garland of footwear not a bangle
in their hand. How rude
were you to mom? What do you mean?
I did just the way you told. I told her that her
cooking was horrible. I thought she
would feel bad about it. But she gave
me a hug instead. And also
gifted me this bangle. Very good, she just
gifted you this bangle. Just wait.. The preparations
will start for the wedding night with Chatanki. Then you will go to
Shimla for your honeymoon. A selfie for going
on your honeymoon, Mr. Pintu. Yes, click a pic. Amazing.. Ms. Elaichi,
why are you so sad? Why do you
have a long face? Just tell me how rude
should I be? Give me an idea. You should
humiliate very subtly which
should make mom angry get angry on seeing
you and maybe slap you. That’s all? Had you told
this to me before I would have told,
Hey, how are you? Hey!
I’ll break all your teeth. Is my mom a fatso? Is she?
– No, she’s not. That’s all right.
I will.. I will call her bulky
and a butterball. Oh!
– What? She’s my mother. She’s the most
beautiful mother in the world. If you say that again,
I’ll break your jaw! What do you want me
to tell her? Listen to me.. You need to insult her
in a respectful manner. Just insult her in such a way
that she gets upset. She shouldn’t get enraged. Hey, shut up! Don’t involve my boyfriend.
You slapped him unnecessarily. Sunita,
I am doing this for you. Pintu will grow stronger by
carrying out challenging tasks. I am doing this
for your future. – Really? Will he grow stronger?
Slap him again. – Okay.. You’ll grow stronger..
– Yes.. – Really? Please slap me again. Let’s talk tomorrow. Okay? I am feeling sleepy.
Good night. Come on, Sunita. Let’s go. Come on.
– Good night! – Good night. You’ll not let me grow strong. What’s going on? Why do you
always hang out with women? You gossip about others.
Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? I didn’t approach them, they
approached me. – Never mind. Stay away from Elaichi.
She’s very cunning. You know she took me around Janakpuri
by lying to me, this morning. We need to stay away
from that girl. Really? She didn’t mention anything
about this. She seems like a good person.
– Hey, you! When Elaichi conspires against
you, you’ll realise the truth. I wonder when I will
get my passport. Mr. Lalit is good-for-nothing. Do you think Ms. Sargam will go
to Canada without me? Hey! Mr. Lalit! How’re you?
– I am good. All right, bye. I’ll see you later. – Where’re you going? I’m
here to meet you. Why are you here to meet me? Am
I hosting a feast at my house? What do you mean?
Why would I go to your house? I asked you to apply for my
passport. What’s the progress? Did you apply for it? Did you get the receipt? Hey.. – When do I have
to go to the passport office? Why’re you asking me? Go to the
passport office. Am I an agent? You’re so strange. Did you forget again? I assigned you to apply
for my passport. You are our agent. Have you
forgotten? How could you! I-I remember now.
Don’t become violent. I forget everything
after seeing your ugly face. What did you say?
– I forgot, I’m an agent. I don’t have the receipt now.
I will give it to you later. Sister,
I’m enjoying the fritters in this cold weather. – Yes.. They are delicious.
Pass me another one. Here you go.. – Thanks..
– Feed him all of it. He might get summoned
to a jail, anytime. Brother-in-law.. You’re so chubby
even though you despise me. You’ve maintained yourself
very well! I am not living off on you. Don’t dare to comment
on my lifestyle. Useless guy! Why do you rebuke
my brother when he’s eating? I’m
so unfortunate! Good morning, everyone! Ma’am, what happened? I fed a fritter to Chatanki
with great affection so she’s crying. She said, I am a very loving
brother-in-law. – Yes. We’re very cultured, dear. Brother-in-law..
– Yes.. Feed me another fritter,
affectionately. Come on. That’s so sweet, Mr. Murari! Mom!
– Yes.. Please make some tea. Wow.. – Elaichi,
have some fritters. The tea is ready! I eat fritters very often. Offer potato
fritters to Sargam. No, ma’am. I am not
going to have fritters. Why?
Is your stomach upset? I think, you’re unable to
digest the food over here. No! I am on a diet. Why’re you dieting? How will I teach you a lesson
when you’re low on energy? I mean..
It’s okay to have fatty food. Just enjoy the fritters. Elaichi, I might get married,
very soon. So,
I need to maintain my figure. Good morning, Mr. Murari!
Hello, Mr. Chatanki.. – Hello.. Hello.. – Pancham, have some
fritters. – Yes, thank you! Thank you, ma’am.
– Good morning! – Yes.. Hello..
Good morning! Pancham, you seem fresh. Well, I just showered
so I’m feeling fresh. Mr. Murari.. I just remembered.
I was wondering I’ll go to Delhi Haat
for shopping. Actually, some of my shopping
is still pending. I even have to buy gifts
for everyone. I can get everything
from the same place. So, can I take Pancham with me? Why? Who’s going to manage the shop? Anyway, Mr..
I mean, darling will be busy looking here and there
than managing the shop. Don’t be silly, Elaichi. I’m not that old.
Am I right, Karu? Right. He can easily carry
the heavy weights even today. Okay, fine.
You can take him. All right? I hope you have the money
for shopping. Do this.
I’ll give you some money for the autorichshaw fare. No, sir.
I have enough money. Oh, you have? That’s very nice.
There’s nothing to worry then. Since you’re going with her,
carry some money at least. Buy something for you, okay?
– Fine, sir. What are you doing?
He has it. I just gave him. I know you have it.
I can’t give you. Sargam, do buy
the cotton tops there. You find the exclusive ones. Also, those
authentic ‘jhumkas’. They’ll suit you very well.
Isn’t it? Really?
Sure. Thank you. ‘You want to go to Delhi Haat?’ ‘Let me see how you’ll go. So, mister,
is the tyre repaired? Sir, I’m just pumping
some air into it. So, it’s almost done then. Sargam, come.
We’re ready to go. Fine, coming.
– Okay. Oh, no, it’s Ms. Elaichi. What made her call me up now? Hello.
– Mr. Pancham. I.. Some goons are following me.
They’re looking for me. W-What happened, Ms. Elaichi?
Easy. What happened? Help me.. Hey, crazy girl! Come out!
Where are you hiding! Oh, my God! Mr. Pancham,
they’re calling me crazy. Do you also feel I’m crazy?
– Yes. What!
– I mean, no. W-What.. Ms. Elaichi,
please don’t worry. Everything will be fine. Oh, my God!
Mr. Pancham, help! Hey, find her quickly. We don’t
get such hot girls easily! Oh, my God!
They’re calling me hot. Mr. Pancham, do you also think
I’m hot? – Yes. What! – I mean, no!
Hey, who’s over there! Mr. Pancham, come soon.
– Ms. Elaichi, you.. Yes, I’m coming. Where are you?
– I’m inside the iron godown. Okay.
– I’m hiding in a corner here. Please come soon..
Hey! Ah! Sunnu, you did it so well.
Had you flirted with Mr. Pintu so well,
your first kiss would be done by now. But no worries. Wait and watch,
how my hero will come rushing to save me.
– Elu, let’s click a selfie in memory of this. Listen, don’t be a gooseberry.
Go.. Fine, bye.
– Bye.

Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee

Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee


Captions by www.SubPLY.com
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Coming up next, we’ll meet yet another smug
guy who scaled Mount Everest. Oh, we’ve had too many of these guys over
here. You’re going to hate this one. This guy is particularly hate-able.
But right now we’ve got a very special guest here in the studio
with us, and I do mean special. Some idiot savants are skilled with music,
or numbers. 12 year old James Kimura’s skill is spelling.
– Like a real life “Rain Man”. That’s right Tracy. Here’s him winning the
New Jersey State Spelling Bee. He did such a good job there that he gets to
represent the state in the Nationals. And he joins us now live right here in
the Today Now studios, James good morning. Good morning to you.
– James, we are both so proud of you. Yeah, when I won I was like, yes.
– Yeah. Well now, James, how did you get to be able
to spell like that? My brain works normally, so I don’t, I can’t even fathom it.
– Well I study like two or three hours a day. What is going on in your brain right now?
I think you can probably understand everything we’re saying, but is it all
jumbled up? I mean, do you see random colors and flashes, and stuff like that?
– No I don’t. Ijust, I’m fine. I understand your school has actually put
you in a special institution? The “Gifted and Talented Program”?
-Well those are accelerated learning classes. Ah, is that what they’re calling them now?
– Yeah. Well, let’s take another look at you
up on that big, high stage. E-U-D-A-E-M-O-N-I-C.
Eudaemonic. – That’s correct. Yeah see, look at him there.
I mean, he may not be able to feed himself, but he can spella word
I can’t even pronounce. – Whoa, I can feed myself just fine.
– James, the other kids must be so cruel to you. Are they?
– Not they’re not. Do they call you names?
– No, I’m fine. No, I bet they do.
– I bet it really hurts your feelings. No, no, they never call me names.
– Well, James do you know if your mother did a lot of drinking or had a drug problem
while she was pregnant with you? No she didn’t. She was fine.
-I really admire her strength in raising you. I mean, I would have just tossed you
in the gutter to end your agony. There’s nothing wrong with me.
I’m just smart. Right, James, if you want to howl, or
pound your head against something, you just go ahead and do it.
– There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just smart!
– You just do whatever you have to do. I’m just smart.
– It’s OK.Whoa now. Hold on. Take a seat. It’s OK.
– Relax. It’s OK.
– Alright, calm down. Alright, calm down. I think we need some help in here, guys.
No, no, no… whoops. Alright guys, thank you very much.
OK. What a great little guy he is. Huh? He just got a little excited there
for a minute, I think, but- Still Ahead This Hour:
HOW TO RECESSION-PROOF YOUR DECK