Tom Holland & Jimmy Kimmel in Exclusive Scene from Spider-Man: Far From Home

Tom Holland & Jimmy Kimmel in Exclusive Scene from Spider-Man: Far From Home


Ever since I was a young
boy growing up in Brooklyn, I have loved Spider-Man. I read the comics. I had the lunchbox. I slept on a Spider-Man pillow
until I was married, I think. [LAUGHTER] And now a dream I had on that
pillow is about to come true. Because on July
2, I will be part of the new Spider-Man movie. Thank you. [APPLAUSE] Now, usually Marvel is very
secretive about the footage, releasing scenes
from these movies. But in this case,
for some reason, they were OK with
me showing this exclusive extended excelsior
scene from Spider-Man: Far From Home. [MUSIC PLAYING] [DING] Hey, Joe. Picking up. Hey, Peter Parker,
my number one customer. [APPLAUSE] Fourth time this week. Yeah, well, you know me. I just love dry cleaning. That’s what I love about you. A lot of these Millennials, they
don’t care about dry cleaning. They’ve got washing machines. It’s disgusting, quite frankly.
It really is. It’s sad. It’s really sad. Anyway, let me
get your stuff here. Oh. That’s you, right? [LAUGHTER] – That’s me, yes.
– All right. Thank you so much.
Oh my god. Hey, kid, listen. It’s, uh, not my business to
get into your personal balls or whatever. But [LAUGHTER] can I
ask you a question? Mmm, yeah, sure. Why you get your pajamas
cleaned every two days? [LAUGHTER] Because I, uh– I sweat a lot when I sleep. I have a sweaty syndrome. Sweaty sleep syndrome.
– You’re a sweaty Betty. [LAUGHTER]
– That’s right. That’s correct. My brother was
like that, you know. – He was?
– Oh, yeah. Shame. He used to– it
was like a puddle. [LAUGHTER]
We slept on bunk beds. He’d be on top dripping
on me all night. – Oh, man.
– It’s disgusting. It’s not good. What about the holes? The hole– the holes? Yeah, the holes. It almost looked like
if, uh, some kind of a mechanical
octopus arm had taken a chunk out of the fabric. [LAUGHTER] That’s easy to explain. Um, it’s the, uh, um– – Moths?
– Moths. That’s what I thought it was. Massive moths, right. Anyway, I don’t see
my mask in here. Do you have my mask? Oh, Connie, where’s his mask? Under the counter, stupid. [LAUGHTER] Underneath– oh, all right.
All right. Hey, Connie. Oh, here we go. That’s you, right? No, that’s Matt’s mask. Mine’s the one with
the white eyes. Oh, right, right,
right, right, right. All right, here you go. [LAUGHTER] That’s Wade’s mask. White eyes with– Connie, it’s Wade’s mask. OK, I don’t care. Red one.
Little red. White eyes.
That’s you, right? Yeah, that’s the one.
Thank you. Thank you.
– Beautiful. All right. NEWSCASTER (ON
TV): Breaking news. New York’s very own
Spider-Man swung into action this afternoon
on the Brooklyn Bridge, saving a bus full of senior
citizens from certain death. Thanks to the masked
hero’s efforts, all 35 people on the bus
returned home safely. [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING] That nutball on TV, he’s got
the same goofy PJs you got. He does. Hey, I know what’s
going on here. You are an influencer. [LAUGHTER] What are you on,
Instagram or Snapface? Snapface. Yeah. Connie, he’s on Snapface. Oh, I like Snapface. [LAUGHTER] Hey, give the place
a little plug maybe? – For sure.
– That’d be great. Absolutely. You truly are the best,
and most gullible, dry cleaner in all of New York. That’s what they say. That’s what they say.
– All right. – I’ll see you tomorrow, kid.
– I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh, hey, tell
your buddy Banner to get some bigger pants. He’s busting through
them like crazy. [LAUGHTER] He’s pretty angry, but
I’ll try and tell him. I’m not a miracle worker. Yes, you are, Joe. See you later. Thanks, kid. Hey, Connie, let’s go in
the back and make love. OK, Joe. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Thanks, everybody. I’m pretty happy
with myself too. Thanks. If you liked that video, click
the subscribe button, but only if you’re ready for commitment.

Samantha Bee & Stephen Try Out Some Lady Euphemisms

Samantha Bee & Stephen Try Out Some Lady Euphemisms


>>Stephen: SPEAKING OF BONE
DEEP SEXISM, OBVIOUSLY YOU’VE GOT A LOT OF QUESTIONS LIKE YOU
ARE GOING TO BE THE ONLY WOMAN HOSTING A LATE NIGHT SHOW ONCE
YOU GO ON THE AIR.>>YES.>>Stephen: CONGRATULATIONONS
THAT. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>>YES.>>Stephen: BUT, I MEAN,
LISTEN, DO YOU GET TIRED OF THAT QUESTION? WHY DO I HAVE TO, YOU KNOW, BEAR
THE WEIGHT OF BEING A WOMAN –>>QUITE HONESTLY BEFORE I
STARTED THIS PROCESS, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WOMEN COULD TALK. SO — TURNS OUT THEY CAN.>>Stephen: THAT’S AMAZING. CONGRATULATIONS.>>YOU:
FROM TIME TO TIME.>>Stephen: DO YOU, REALLY? I DO.>>Stephen: SOMETIMES — AND
SRI WOMANLY HIPS, SO I’M HALFWAY THERE.>>YES. I DO NOTICE THAT YOU DO
REFERENCE YOUR OWN MAN PARTS WITH A PRETTY ASTONISHING
FREQUENCY.>>Stephen: OCCASIONALLY. NO, I THINK MORE THAN —
>>Stephen: I USED TO BUT NOT SO MUCH ANYMORE. NOT ON CBS.>>I THINK MORE THAN AVERAGE. I BROUGHT A CLIP WITH ME IF YOU
WANT TO ROLL IT, ACTUALLY.>>ANY CHILD KICKING LAST AT
KICK BALL GETS TO KICK THE KICKER IN THE BALL ALSO.>>THERE’S NO SERVER THAT HAS
PICTURES OF LET’S SAY NOT MY JUNK? IT’S NOT THE SIZE, IT’S HOW YOU
DISPLAY IT. WE’VE REACHED A HAPPY ENDING OF
A COCKUS TEASE. YOU, SIR, HAVE SOME WHAIFOS
RANCHEROS. IT TAKES BALLS TO WRITE THIS
KIND OF MUSICAL. ONE PENIS-SIPPI, TWO… A THREE-BALLER, CHARLIE. WE’RE ONLY SIX DAYS AWAY FROM
THE VOTING IN IOWA WHICH MEANS THIS IS THE LAST WEEK CBS WILL
LET ME SAY CAUCUS ON THE AIR. (LAUGHTER)
CAUCUS. ALL RIGHT. I WILL MISS BEING ABLE TO SAY
THAT.>>YES.>>Stephen: WHY CAN’T YOU DO
THAT?>>I MEAN, NO, I CAN DO THAT.>>Stephen: YOU CAN DO THAT? I CAN REFERENCE MYSELF, CAN’T
I?>>Stephen: YOU HAVE TO COME
WITH EUPHEMISMS.>>YOU DO. YOU DON’T WANT TO DESTROY THE
MINDS OF ALL THE CHILDREN WHO ARE WATCHING.>>Stephen: EXACTLY. I UNDERSTAND YOU’VE BROUGHT A
LIST OF OFF MISMS FOR US TO GO THROUGH.>>I HAVE.>>Stephen: CAN I SHARE? YES.>>Stephen: THESE ARE
EUPHEMISMS A FEMALE COMEDIENNE CAN USE TO REFER TO HER BATHING
SUIT AREA THAT –>>THAT WILL PASS MUSTER.>I LIKE
THE MOTION.>>Stephen: BE ACCURATE. YES.>>Stephen: EUPHEMISMS FOR
WHAT YOU GOT I AIN’T GOT. READY?>>YES. GO. LADY GARDEN. FLORAL
>>STEPHEN: HOO-HOO.>>HEE-HEE.>>STEPHEN: HAH-HAH.>>DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR. THAT’S CLASSY.>>STEPHEN: SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE
NAMED.>>THE PLACE WHERE I KEEP MY
KEYS. THAT’S JUST FOR ME. THEY’RE SAFE THERE.>>Stephen: ALWAYS THE LAST
PLACE YOU LOOK.>>YEP.>>STEPHEN: THE CHAMBER OF
SECRETS.>>OH, OH DEAR —
>>THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE.>>STEPHEN: FERNGULLY.>>CANYON OF HEROES.>>STEPHEN: ARK OF THE COVENANT.>>VELOUR BOUNCY CASTLE. THAT’S NICE
>>STEPHEN: MRS. BOJANGLES.>>HURT LOCKER. THAT’S SAD. THAT’S DARK.>>STEPHEN: TAVERN ON THE GREEN. I DO LIKE THAT. SAM’S CLUB. PERSONALIZE IT.>>Stephen: I’M SAD TO SAY,
I’M NOT A MEMBER. (LAUGHTER)
>>STEPHEN: “FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE” PREMIERES THIS
MONDAY AT 10:30 ON TBS. GOOD LUCK. YOU’RE GOING TO ROCK IT. IT WILL BE GREAT!

Spider-Man Cast on Spoilers & Avengers: Endgame


WEEK. PLEASE JOIN US. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OUR GUESTS TONIGHT ARE FIVE ACTORS WITH NINE NAMES WHO STAR IN THE MOST HIGHLY-ANTICIPATED MOVIE OF THE SUMMER. YOUR FAVORITE TEENAGE SUPERHERO LEAVES HIS FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD IN “SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME.” OPENING EVERYWHERE JULY 2nd, PLEASE WELCOME TOM HOLLAND, JAKE GYLLENHAAL, ZENDAYA, COBIE SMULDERS AND JACOB BATALON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? THANKS FOR COMING. WELCOME.>>WOO! I’M DOING WELL, HOW YOU DOIN’? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>OH!>>THAT’S TERRIBLE.>>I’M SO EXCITED. I’M SO EXCITED. THIS IS CRAZY.>>Jimmy: I GUESS EVERYONE’S EXCITED. SO THE TRAILER CAME OUT. THE TRAILER GOT LIKE 135 MILLION VIEWS IN THE FIRST HOUR IT WAS RELEASED.>>THE FIRST HOUR?>>OW!>>Jimmy: IT’S A GOOD CHUNK OF THE HUMAN POPULATION, REALLY, WATCHING THAT TRAILER.>>ABOUT HALF OF YOUR FOLLOWERS.>>Jimmy: THAT’S PRETTY CRAZY.>>THAT’S CRAZY, I DIDN’T KNOW THAT.>>Jimmy: HOW MANY VIEWS DO YOU THINK YOU PERSONALLY WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR?>>AT LEAST 100 MILLION, AT LEAST.>>Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU TWEET THE OR INSTAGRAMED IT OR SOMETHING, IS THAT NOT RIGHT?>>IT’S NO SECRET I’M NOT THAT GOOD AT INSTAGRAM.>>Jimmy: IS IT NOT A SECRET?>>NO. I BASICALLY FORGOT TO POST THE TRAILER. I WOKE UP, AND I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHY I WAS GETTING SO MANY MORE FOLLOWERS. I WAS LIKE, THIS IS GREAT.>>Jimmy: HOW MANY HAVE YOU GAINED?>>IT WAS LIKE A COUPLE HUNDRED THOUSAND. THIS WAS AMAZING, AND I START SCROLLING AND SEE THE TRAILER AND I PANIC. AND I WAS TRYING TO DOWNLOAD THE TRAILER FROM MY E-MAIL AND I COULDN’T. SO I HAD TO FACE TIME YOU. AND SHE SENT ME A VIDEO OF HOW TO DO IT. SO ESSENTIALLY, I’M AN OLD MAN.>>Jimmy: SO ZENDAYA, YOU DO I.T. FOR THE GANG?>>THAT’S MY OTHER JOB ON THIS MOVIE. NO, IT’S TRUE. IT’S REALLY BAD.>>Jimmy: WOULD YOU THINK OF ALL PEOPLE WHO KNEW HOW TO WORK THE WEB IT WOULD BE SPIDER WEB.>>WHAT A BURN, WHAT A BURN.>>Jimmy: THANK YOU.>>REMEMBER YOU POSTED THE STORY LIKE TWICE, AND YOU’RE LIKE, HOW DO I DELETE MY STORY, AND I WILL TO SCREEN RECORD A VIDEO OF HOW YOU DELETE A STORY.>>BUT WHY WOULD IT GIVE YOU THE OPTION TO POST IT TWICE, THAT’S MY QUESTION. I WAS LIKE, HOW DID I DO THAT?>>I DON’T THINK THAT’S AN OPTION.>>Jimmy: YOU DO THEM ONCE AND THEN ANOTHER TIME. YEAH.>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: WOW, YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE IT. THE TRAILER BEGINS, AND CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG. RIGHT AT THE END AS AVENGERS END GAME ENDS IT PICKS UP RIGHT AWAY, RIGHT?>>THAT IS CORRECT.>>Jimmy: THAT’S SOMETHING OKAY TO SAY? KO KOBE DOESN’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. AND IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS OR AT LEAST FIVE YEARS OR WHAT SINCE THE, SINCE THIS CAME BACK?>>THIS IS GETTING TOUGH.>>I DON’T WANT TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.>>JACOB?>>ANYBODY?>>I — YEAH. YEAH. YEAH, IT IS.>>Jimmy: SO WHY THEN, AND I KNOW, YOU KNOW, WHY, THEN, ARE YOU ALL STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL, IS THE QUESTION. WERE THERE OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS THAT — [ LAUGHTER ] AND I KNOW YOU CAN’T SAY EVERYTHING, BUT.>>WHY, WHY ARE WE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL?>>I MEAN, IT MIGHT BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST PLOT HOLES OF ALL TIME.>>Jimmy: IT MIGHT BE. KOBE, DO YOU KNOW?>>I DON’T WANT TO PULL THAT THREAD, BUT I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW.>>Jimmy: JAKE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA, RIGHT?>>SORRY?>>Jimmy: I THINK IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I’VE EVER SEEN A TRAILER THAT HAD A SPOILER DISCLAIMER IN FRONT OF IT.>>AND OF ALL PEOPLE I GAVE THE SPOILER.>>Jimmy: MAYBE THAT WAS JUST LIKE WHEN YOU TAKE LIKE THE BAD KID IN CLASS AND MAKE HIM THE HALL MONITOR.>>THE CONE OF SHAME?>>Jimmy: JUST FOR YOU. THEY WANTED TO HEAR YOU SAY THE WORDS ALOUD SO YOU WOULD REMEMBER NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING.>>NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING.>>Jimmy: SO HAS EVERYONE SEEN “AVENGERS END GAME”? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>THERE’S ONE GUY SHAKING HIS HEAD NOW. ONE GUY.>>YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.>>Jimmy: YOU PLUG YOUR EARS, OKAY? PLUG YOUR EARS RIGHT NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T. PLUG SOMETHING UP OVER THERE. SO THERE WAS A FUNERAL SCENE. WHO WAS AT THE FUNERAL?>>I WAS AT THE FUNERAL.>>Jimmy: FUNERAL.>>WERE YOU AT THE FUNERAL, ZENDAYA?>>WE WEREN’T INVITED.>>Jimmy: JAKE WAS NOT AT THE FUNERAL.>>I WAS TOLD IT WAS A WEDDING. [ LAUGHTER ]>>I SHOWED UP TO THE WEDDING.>>A VERY SOMBER WEDDING.>>AND I WAS LIKE, WHERE’S ROBERT?>>Jimmy: HE DID NOT COME TO HIS OWN, OWN FUNERAL, HUH?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: AND WAS IT, WAS ANYONE CGI? OR WAS EVERYONE REALLY THERE?>>EVERYONE WAS REALLY THERE. IT WAS A REALLY INSANE DAY, AND I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW THEY PULLED IT OFF, BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN THAT SHOT WAS THERE.>>Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW EVERYONE WAS GOING TO BE THERE?>>NO, NO, NO, IT WAS EXCITING. YOU KNOW THERE WERE CREWS. LIKE THE BLACK PANTHER CREW THAT HADN’T EVEN COME OUT YET. THE GUARDIANS CREW, AND IT WAS ALL THESE GROUPS OF PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER.>>Jimmy: WHEN THEY SHOT THAT, THAT MOVIE HADN’T EVEN COME OUT YET.>>NO.>>Jimmy: THIS IS SO CONFUSING. I CAN SEE WHY YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU CAN SAY AND CAN’T SAY.>>I THOUGHT IT WAS A WEDDING! I WAS SO EXCITED. JOI>>Jimmy: AND ZENDAYA, HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW END GAME ENDED?>>WHEN I WATCHED IT.>>Jimmy: AND WHEN DID YOU SEE IT, IN THE MOVIE THEATER?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: HOW ABOUT YOU, JACOB?>>WELL, YOU KNOW, MOVIE THEATER.>>Jimmy: MOVIE THEATER.>>I WAS MAKING SURE.>>Jimmy: WE ALL KNOW IT’S GOING TO BE IN THE MOVIE THEATER. THAT’S COOL TO SAY. WHERE DID YOU SEE IT AT, WERE YOU AT THE PREMIERE?>>I WAS IN CONNECTICUT WHERE THERE WAS NO ONE THERE WHEN IT WAS SHOWING. BUT IT WAS LIKE A WEEKDAY WHEN EVERYONE WAS WORKING, OBVIOUSLY.>>Jimmy: IT WAS IN THE DAYTIME.>>OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO IN MY LIFE.>>Jimmy: DID YOU SHED A TEAR?>>I WAS ACTUALLY LAUGHING A LOT, ACTUALLY.>>Jimmy: YOU WERE?>>YEAH, SORRY, BUT IT WAS SO GREAT, BUT I LAUGHED A LOT.>>Jimmy: HOW DID THEY HANDLE THE SCRIPT, LIKE DO YOU GUYS GET A SELF-DESTRUCTING SCRIPT, IS IT REDACTED? LIKE THE MUELLER REPORT WHEN YOU GET IT?>>WE GET SIDES, AND YOU HAVE TO LEARN YOUR LINES, OBVIOUSLY, BEFORE THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, AND WE’D GET THE LINES. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAD THIS, BUT ANYTHING THAT HAD SPOILERS IN IT WAS BLACKED OUT. SO MOST OF THE SCRIPT WAS BLACKED OUT. SO LIKE IT’S KIND OF HARD TO LEARN YOUR LINES WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE THEM.>>Jimmy: YEAH, THAT IS HARD.>>YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.>>AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT IT LATER AND JACOB THOUGHT FOR SOME REASON, WHEN IT’S BLACKED OUT I JUST SAY BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.>>I WAS BEING COURTEOUS.>>Jimmy: WHAT?>>I WAS TRYING TO BE VERY COURTEOUS AS TO WHAT THE SCRIPTWRITERS WANTED. IF THEY SAID BLACKED OUT LINE I’D SAY IT.>>BLACKED OUT LINE.>>Jimmy: YOU DID SAY BLACKED OUT. YOU TOOK IT VERY LITERALLY.>>PETER, WE HAVE TO GO SAVE THE BLACKED OUT LINE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?>>I WAS LIKE.>>Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH. IT’S CONFUSING.>>JUST PUT IT IN IN POST.>>Jimmy: WHAT, THE LINES IN POST?

Jussie Smollett Indicted & The DOJ Meddles in Roger Stone’s Case | The Daily Show

Jussie Smollett Indicted & The DOJ Meddles in Roger Stone’s Case | The Daily Show


Jussie Smollett, Empire actor
and black Pinocchio. A year ago,
he told an incredible story about being jumped on the street
by two Trump supporters. And now someone
might finally go to jail for that attack. The dramatic new turn
that’s thrust the Jussie Smollett case back
into the spotlight. That’s right. He’s once again
facing charges in Chicago for claiming he was the victim
of a hate crime attack. NEWSMAN: This morning, Smollett
is facing six new charges of disorderly conduct
for lying to police. The move a stunning reversal
after prosecutors dropped all 16 charges
the actor originally faced. In this new indictment,
the special prosecutor’s office says Smollett
made numerous false statements to Chicago police
on multiple occasions, reporting a heinous hate crime that he, in fact,
knew had not occurred. Yes, Jussie Smollett is back
in the headlines, this time for being indicted over reporting
a fake hate crime. And it really sounds bad until you remember
that his plan all along was to get a recurring
story line that doesn’t go away. So he kind of got
what he wanted, you know? This is what he wanted. And look, I know
what Jussie did was wrong. But I won’t lie.
At the same time, I kind of feel bad for him,
all right? Because he gets into trouble now
for calling in fake crimes, but those Permit Pattys who made
those bullshit calls to 911, they live their lives.
They just do their thing. -(cheering and applause)
-In fact, maybe… Maybe that should be
Jussie’s punishment. He should be forced to get
a white lady nickname. That should be it. Yeah? Everywhere he goes,
people will be like, “Well, well, well,
there goes Subway Smollett. There he is.” But let’s move on
to Roger Stone, Trump campaign aide and the Monopoly Man’s
cocaine dealer. This week,
he was about to be sentenced for lying to the FBI
and threatening witnesses. But luckily, he’s got friends
in Oval places. NEWSMAN: Late tonight,
all four federal prosecutors on the Roger Stone case
have quit after the department undercut
their recommended sentence. Just yesterday,
those career prosecutors recommended he get seven
to nine years behind bars. But late tonight,
the DOJ in a filing calling
the initial recommendation excessive and unwarranted just hours
after President Trump tweeted overnight,
blasting the sentence prosecutors
initially recommended as horrible and very unfair. The president deny
he had anything to do with it. Yeah, I thought
it was ridiculous that… No, I didn’t,
because the Justice… I’d be able to do it
if I wanted. I have the absolute right
to do it. Uh, I stay out of things, uh, to a degree
that people wouldn’t believe. “That’s right, folks.
That’s right. “I stay out of things. “I stay out of everything. “Intelligence briefings,
church, Melania’s bedroom. “I stay out of all of it. I stay out. Stay out.” (applause) This is actually crazy,
what happened here. The Justice Department
recommended Roger Stone get seven to nine years
in prison, all right? Trump then tweets that their recommendation
is too harsh, so they then cancel
their recommendation. And then Trump says
he’s totally staying out of it. That’s not what he did.
He’s staying out of it the same way the Kool-Aid Man
stays out of a room. “Did use the door? Oh, no.” (laughter) Because here’s the thing. Trump is acting like
his Twitter account can’t influence
the Justice Department, like they can’t see his tweets. You know,
it’s like someone saying, “I didn’t ask her to marry me. “I just had ‘will you marry me?’
written in the sky. Anybody could have said yes.
It could have been anybody.” And not only was it wrong for Trump to get involved
in his friend’s case, it was also totally unnecessary
because there… If there’s one person who looks
like he can break out of prison on his own, it’s this guy. All right, and finally, you guys remember
how the Titanic crashed? Well, uh, it happened again. A new report claims
the wreck of the Titanic was hit by a submarine
last year, but the U.S. government
kept it a secret. That’s according to
legal documents reviewed by the British newspaper
The Telegraph. It says a $35 million
underwater vehicle hit the Titanic wreckage
in July. It comes ahead of what could be
a landmark court battle over the future
of the wreckage. Yo, this is insane. The Titanic was involved
in another crash? Oh, their Nationwide premiums are totally going
through the roof, man. I’m glad that no one was hurt. ‘Cause how would you explain
that to people? Yeah? It’d just be like, “Brian died in the Titanic. Yeah, this year,
this year, yeah.” Titanic versus submarine
is such a weird story. I mean, technically, though
the Titanic is also a submarine. Yeah, really,
any ship can be a submarine if your captain is shitty
enough, when you think about it. You know what would be crazy
though? Is if getting hit makes
the Titanic un-sink. Like,
that could be a rule, right? If you crash, you go down. If you crash again,
you get to come up. Yeah.
So now it floats up to the top, and then they’re back up
on the surface. Everyone’s like,
“Yeah! We’re alive!” And then the iceberg shows up,
like, “Well, well, who didn’t learn their lesson?”

Tom Holland Debuts First Official Spider-Man: Homecoming Trailer


MUSIC FROM FRENSHIP. BEFORE THE, THE TRAILER FOR THE SPIDERMAN MOVIE. I SAW THE TRAILERS. AT THE END OF IT. SO DELIGHTED. LOOKED AT MY WIFE, SITTING THERE, LOOKING LIKE, I MARRIED A 12-YEAR-OLD. I REALIZED THAT I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT A NEW SPIDERMAN MOVIE AS SHE DOES ABOUT NEW SEASON OF THE BACHELOR EXCEPT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE AS I EXPLAINED TO MY WIFE TO DAY, DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPIDERMAN AND THE BACHELOR IS WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN SPIDERMAN ISN’T REAL. YOU UNDERSTAND? OKAY. SO IF YOU SAW CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR YOU KNOW SPIDERMAN WAS THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE. THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS WEB SLINGER, TOM HOLLAND, 20, SPIDERMAN HOME COMING TO CELEBRATE WE HAVE ASIMPLED AN ARMY OF SPIDERMEN OUTSIDE OF OUR BUILDING INCLUDING THE REAL ONE WE WILL MEET IF WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE HE IS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES, IT’S TIME FOR THE RUNNING OF THE SPIDERMEN. SPIDERMEN COME ON OVER! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: LOOK AT THAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] . I MEAN — WHAT MORE COULD YOU DREAM OF? UH-OH. HERE THEY COME. ALL RIGHT. HI, SPIDERMEN. WOW. WOW. WOW, LOOK AT THIS. THEY’RE STILL COMING. LET’S GET EVERYONE IN HERE. ANYONE WHO IS SPIDERMAN — THERE’S MORE. IF IT’S POSSIBLE, THOSE ARE THE REALLY SLOW SPIDERMEN IN THE BACK. ALL RIGHT. SO I KNOW ONE OF YOU IS TOM HOLLAND. BUT, WE DON’T KNOW, ALL RIGHT, LET ME START RIGHT HERE. ARE YOU TOM HOLLAND. OOPS, SORRY. NO, YOU ARE NOT. NOT TOM HOLLAND. ARE YOU TOM HOLLAND. YOU ARE NOT. YOU ARE NOT. WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? WOW. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT TOM HOLLAND. YOU WERE HERE A MINUTE AGO. WHAT’S GOING ON, DRESS UP LIKE SPIDERMAN ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD?>>SOME TIMES I LIKE THE TIGHTS.>>Jimmy: SPEED THIS UP. CAN ANY OF YOU DO LOOK ANY FLIPS AND STUFF LIKE SPIDERMAN DOES.>>I CAN, JIMMY. I CAN.>>Jimmy: STEP FORWARD SEE. WHAT YOU CAN DO. YEAH, CLEAR THE PATH FOR THIS SPIDERMAN. WE’LL SEE IF THIS SPIDERMAN CAN INDEED. DO YOU MIND — DO YOU MIND IF I — IT’S TOM HOLLAND.>>Jimmy: THAT’S VERY IMPRESSIVE. I HAVE TO SAY. YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO BACK FLIPS, YOURSELF, RIGHT, THEY WILL GET YOU A BACK FLIP GUY TO DO THAT?>>WELL, I KNOW THAT JIMMY, BUT I AM THE REAL SPIDERMAN.>>Jimmy: THAT’S TRUE. HE IS THE REAL SPIDERMAN. SHOULD WE WATCH THE TRAILER?>>I THINK THEY WAITED LONG ENOUGH.>>Jimmy: THE WORLD PREMIERE TRAILER FOR “SPIDERMAN HOMECOMING” IN THEATERS JULY 7th. ♪ ♪>>WHAT’S UP, GUYS? WAIT A MINUTE. YOU GUYS AREN’T THE REAL AVENGERS. I CAN TELL, HULK GIVES IT AWAY.>>THAT WAS AWESOME. ♪ ♪>>NO, YOU HAVE SEEN THAT BEFORE.>>THAT SKIRT.>>SHOULD PROBABLY STOP STARING BEFORE IT GETS CREEP YO THOUGH.>>YEAH.>>TOO LATE. YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS.>>SO TO BECOME AN AVENGER, ARE THERE TRIALS OR AN INTERVIEW.>>JUST DON’T DO ANYTHING I WOULD DO. DEFINITELY DON’T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN’T DO. THERE IS A GRAY AREA IN THERE, WHERE YOU OPERATE. NOT A HUG, JUST GRABBING THE DOOR FOR YOU. OKAY, KID, GOOD LUCK OUT THERE.>>LISTEN, I KNOW SCHOOL SUCKS.>>PETER, YOU STILL WITH US?>>YEAH, YEAH.>>I KNOW YOU WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD.>>BUT — YOU’RE NOT READY YET.>>YOU’RE THE SPIDERMAN.>>NO, I’M NOT. THIS IS JUST A COSTUME.>>YOU WERE ON THE CEILING.>>STAY CLOSE TO THE GROUND. AND STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. ♪ ♪>>FORGET THE FLYING MONSTER GUY. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HANDLE THIS SORT OF THING. SEQUESTEICK OF HIM TREATING ME LIKE A KID ALL THE TIME.>>BUT YOU ARE A KID.>>THIS IS MY CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF.>>PETER, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU?>>SORRY, I AM SO BUSY. I’M SLAMMED. >>DON’T MESS WITH ME. BECAUSE I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYBODY YOU LOVE. ♪ ♪

James Corden Has Issues with Valentine’s Day

James Corden Has Issues with Valentine’s Day


TALK ABOUT, LET’S GET STARTED. AS YOU KNOW TOMORROW IS
VALENTINE’S DAY. EVERYONE EXCITED? YES? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR EXCITEMENT BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL
VALENTINE’S DAY IS AMERICA’S FAVORITE HOLIDAY BEATING EVEN
CHRISTMAS. YEAH. (LAUGHTER)
WHICH IS AMAZING BECAUSE IT ISN’T A [BLEEP] HOLIDAY. (LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YOU HONESTLY, I’M TELLING YOU,
YOU AMERICANS HAVE GOT TO STOP WITH THESE MADE UP FAKE
HOLIDAYS. (LAUGHTER)
WHERE DOES THIS END? WHAT IS NEXT, WE’RE ALL GOING TO
BUY EACH OTHER GIFTS FOR ARBOR DAY? I MEAN COME ON. LET’S JUST LET IT BE A DAY. I LIKE VALENTINE’S DAY, I DO. WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE. THERE IS CANDY, THERE IS
CHOCOLATE, THAT IS THERE BIG HOLE INSIDE OF YOU YOU TRY TO
FILL WITH CANDY AND CHOCOLATES. SCRAL ENTIEN’S DAY OR AS A LOT
OF COUPLES CALL IT, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT TO DO SOMETHING
THIS YEAR, HONEY, NO, I’M TOTALLY SURE, OKAY, WE WON’T. WHY AREN’T WE DOING ANYTHING. YOU CLEARLY DON’T LOVE ME DAY! YOU KNOW HOW I SAID OTHER
COUPLES AND NOT ME AND MY WIFE. (LAUGHTER)
HERE’S HOW MUCH AMERICANS LOVE THIS MADE UP HOLIDAY. ACCORDING TO ESTIMATE THIS YEAR
AMERICANS ARE EXPECTED TO SPEND AN AVERAGE OF $200 PER PERSON ON
VALENTINE’S DAY GIFTS. AND THEY WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE
IT IF YOU COULD PASS THAT INFORMATION ON TO THEIR
PARTNERS. PEOPLE PLAN TO SPEND $200 ON
GIFTS THIS YEAR. HERE’S HOW IT BREAKS DOWN. $5 ON A GIFT, AND THE REST ON
SAME DAY SHIPPING. (LAUGHTER)
IT’S TODAY, OH MY GOD. NOW VALENTINE’S DAY IS HARD FOR
SOME PEOPLE. AND IF YOU ARE DREADED TOMORROW
BECAUSE YOU HAVE RECENTLY BROKE UP WITH SOMEONE, DON’T WORRY, A
ZOO IN TEXAS HAS YOU COVERED, RIGHT. THEY SAID THEY WILL NAME A
COCKROACH AFTER YOUR EX AND FOR A SMALL DONATION THEY WILL FEED
IT TO A ZOO ANIMAL ON VALENTINE’S DAY. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
IT IS JUST A BIT OF FUN. LISTEN, IF YOUR ANSWER TO A BAD
BREAKUP IS COCKROACH SACRIFICE, I’M STARTING TO SEE WHY YOUR EX
LEFT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. A ZOO WILL WRITE YOUR EX’S NAME
ON A COCKROACH AND FEED IT TO AN ANIMAL. NOT TO BE OUTDONE A NEARBY
AQUARIUM WILL ALSO MAKE A SPECIAL DEDICATION IF YOUR EX
GAVE YOU CRABS. DON’T CLAP, DON’T YOU DARE,
STOP, NO, NO. NO. YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR THAT. WE’RE NOT, YOU ARE. AND IF YOUR TRUE LOVE, IF YOU
AND YOUR TRUE LOVE ARE STILL LOOKING FOR DINNER PLANS
TOMORROW NIGHT, ONE RESTAURANT CHAIN HAS RECENTLY BECOME QUITE
THE ROMANTIC HOT SPOT. THIS IS TRUE. THIS 24 HOUR ROADSIDE CHAIN
WAFFLE HOUSE IS NOW ACCEPTING RESERVATIONS FOR VALENTINE’S
DAY. AND THEY’RE EVEN OFFERING A
SPECIAL MENU FOR THE OCCASION. YEAH, YOU’VE HEARD OF
RESTAURANTS HAVING A BLUE PLATE SPECIAL. THIS IS MORE OF A RED FLAG
SPECIAL. (LAUGHTER)
AND THIS IS NICE. FOR AN EXTRA $5 YOU CAN GO
BEHIND THE WAFFLE HOUSE TO SELECT A COCKROACH TO FEED TO. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WAFFLE HOUSE IS OFFERING A SPECIAL MENU WHERE YOU CAN GET A
ROMANTIC VALENTINE’S DAY MEAL FOR TWO INCLUDING THIS STACK OF
PANCAKES THAT SAY GIRL, YOU CAN DO BETTER.

Guillermo vs Spider-Man Tom Holland

Guillermo vs Spider-Man Tom Holland


HEY, WHERE IS GUILLERMO? WHERE’S GUILLERMO?>>Guillermo: PEW, PEW, PEW. PEW, PEW, PEW.>>Jimmy: WHAT — WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS?>>Guillermo: I’M NOT GUILLERMO. I’M SPIDER-MAN.>>Jimmy: YOU’RE A SPIDER MAN?>>Guillermo: YEAH. PEW, PEW, PEW.>>Jimmy: I GUESS IT’S SPIDER-MAN THAT WE HAVE HERE INSTEAD OF GUILLERMO.>>HEY. EXCUSE ME. GIVE ME BACK MY MASK.>>Guillermo: NO.>>GIVE ME BACK MY MASK.>>Guillermo: NO.>>HEY, YOU — MOTHER — >>Jimmy: WHAT IS THIS? WHAT’S GOING ON?>>Guillermo: PEW, PEW, PEW.>>I CAN’T SEE IN THIS THING.>>Jimmy: WHAT?>>Guillermo: WHERE ARE YOU?>>Jimmy: WHAT DID HE SAY? YOU KNOW WHAT?>>HEY, YOU STOLE MY MASK.>>Guillermo: NO, I DIDN’T.>>YES, YOU DID.>>Jimmy: YOU KNOW, WE CAN BARELY HEAR YOU WITH THE CONE ON YOUR HEAD, IF YOU DON’T MIND. IF YOU WOULD JUST PULL IT OFF. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: WOW. IT’S — >>GIVE ME BACK MY MASK!>>Jimmy: IT’S THE REAL, REAL SPIDER-MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HOLD ON A SECOND. WAIT A MINUTE NOW. I HAPPEN TO BE A VERY BIG FAN OF SPIDER-MAN. HOW DID HE STEAL YOUR MASK?>>IT’S A LONG STORY, JIMMY. IT’S A SAD STORY TOO. I RAN OUT OF WEB FLUID. I WAS WAITING FOR THE B38 AND HE SNUCK UP BEHIND ME AND STOLE IT RIGHT OFF MY HEAD.>>Jimmy: I THOUGHT YOU HAD SPIDEY SENSE.>>HE’S NOT REALLY ALL THAT THREATENING. COULD I JUST HAVE MY MASK BACK SO I CAN GET BACK TO SET, PLEASE.>>Jimmy: GIVE HIM BACK HIS MASK. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. YOU DON’T STEAL MASKS FROM HEROES.>>THANK YOU SO MUCH. OH, IT SMELLS REALLY WEIRD.>>Guillermo: THAT’S TEQUILA.>>Jimmy: IT’S TEQUILA, DON’T WORRY. DID YOU SAY YOU HAVE TO GET BACK TO SET? ARE YOU MAKING ANOTHER MOVIE?>>SPIDER-MAN FAR FROM HOME NEXT SUMMER IN THEATERS.>>Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE. IS THIS — IS THIS MOVIE A PREQUEL? BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IN THE — AT THE END OF “AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR,” YOU TURNED INTO BLACK CONFETTI.>>I THINK THANOS IS ROBBING A BANK SO I’M GOING TO GO IN.>>Jimmy: THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.>>THANOS POOR. BYE, JIMMY. SEE YOU LATER.>>Jimmy: BYE, SPIDER-MAN. SPIDER-MAN. HEY. HOW MANY OTHER SHOWS BRING SPIDER-MAN?