(Thanks for enabling subtitles!) Well hey there, stranger. Why looking so glum? Ah, man I’m sorry. I gotta get to my job. Why not have the job of a lifetime? Shopping with our two-for-one promotional value! Come on man, I can’t be late for work. I’m Imitation Crab Meat Man! Yeah. You think you’re better than me. No, man it’s not– (short breath) You’re not even a crab! I’m a crab MAN! No, man! You– you’re not! I am! No, dude! When you approached me you walked facing toward me! So what? That’s how people approach people. Not crabs, okay? Yes, crabs! NO, because crabs walk SIDEWAYS! I have human legs! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS? Pincer power! *flying sounds*
WhoooooaaaaAAAA- –AAAH Now you’ve made me crabby! THAT IS IT! UUAAAAAH (joints violently breaking) Ever since that day, I vowed one thing… to be Zen as fuck. Or my name wasn’t Stan. (poppin’ music plays) (heavenly harps play) I am the God Fly H.U.M.U.N.K.U.L.E.S. I am thirsty! SPIT IN MY FACE. (small pat) (fly buzz) We are the God Swarm of H.U.M.U.N.K.U.L.E.S. We are the most the most powerful beings of every dimension. I’LL KILL YOU! Our hive mind lies within a single insect. So long as he survives, we are immortal! How you doing robot buddy? You look like you got pants. (robotic voice) I must thank you, you saved my bacon. However, I am no robot. I am a genetically enhanced neurological electro-sapien. What is your handle? Well, I’m Stan. What is that short for? Stanley. I see. Are you okay? I am G.E.N.E, you are Stan. Kill him! Kill him right FUCKING NOW! We got bald quick! Is your arm okay? My arm is fine. Your other arm! What other arm? You know what? I’m going home. Have a nice one! (Stan singing) Dun tu dun tu dun dun tu dun dun! Hyuah! Ho! Hyah! I am the Rose of Justice! Feel my prick! (very loud knocking) Yeah? I was able to fix my arm. May I come in? I would like to hang out and listen to music. (“A-Tisket, A-Tasket” plays) You’re in my house now. I couldn’t help but notice your particular mode of dress. Are you trying to make fun of me? I believe there is no need for that. That outfit does it for you just fine. Oh, tin man’s got teeth! I. DO have. Teeth. These are made from synthetic chicken bones. Ha ha! It was I all along! All right, I’ll start with the obvious. Why are you doing this to me? I am calibrating my friendship skills. How is it going so far? [Sarcastic] Great man, you’re knocking it out of the park! Very excellent. Speaking of parks, we should do some activities. Would you like to go to the gymnasium? Would you like to play Whack-A-Mole? Would you like to go swimming? Your cadence is so strange. I honestly have no idea what you’re saying. Like, are these things mutually exclusive? They are not. See, NOW I’m interested! Stan, are you okay? No– I’ll take that as a yes. Stanley, the owner of this establishment would like to speak with us. Holy SHIT, are you naked? I am not naked, my genitalia is not showing. How do you…? Have sex? No! I have a mechanical pressure driven piston. I’ll get it. Well now, what do we have here? I couldn’t help but notice you two breaking me beautiful pool. This is bullshit, it’s barely broken. How is this our fault? You ran live cable underwater! This could have been avoided, had you had read the safety message before playing the game! You were clearly standing too close to the machine! But now I think there’s a way you can make this up to me. The man I hired to build this training facility has gone missing recently, along with some of his research. Destroy him, and I’ll forgive your transgressions here! PEACE OUT. Are you sure this is a good idea? Of course. This is our chance to be someone’s hero. Hero, huh? Look out world, here I come! Well now, what do we have here? I’m Stanley, who are you? Well then, Well then, Sssssssssssssssssssss– –ssssssssssssssssssssss–
Are you okay? –ssssssssssssssssssssstanley! Are you doing like a thing right now? Well then, you’re not going any further! No doubt, you’re trying to destroy the clones! I don’t know what that is, or what you’re doing right now, but it better stop. You fool. You could never take me! I’d wager the softest part of my body is stronger than your hardest! I– what? Observe! (squish, lots of squish) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO? There’s more where that came from, Sssss– –tanley! Your friend is up ahead, but you’ll never succeed! Once more! Once more what? AH, YOU SON OF A BITCH! Yes! Away! There you are, took you long enough. Yeah, I got held up. I found the location of our target, but there is something interesting you should know. It would appear his biometrics are swarming that tower over there. Apparently, I have detected multiple instances of our target. You mean like, clones? I suppose that is one possibility. He just said take care of it, right? Ah, I see where you’re going with this. That is NOT what I meant at ALL. I was gonna say we should go talk to them! Sorry, I misread that one. Wait a minute… I think we should– I still detect… I think we shou– …one more… Hey hey hey, let’s try it my way! Fine. You’re no fun. Well, it’s been a long time since I had visitors. And who do I presume I have the pleasure of meeting? I’m Stan, that’s G.E.N.E., and we were told you stole some research. *laughs* “Stole some research.” Well, you’ve got a lot to learn, kid. A lot to learn. I stole nothing, the world stole from me. What are you talking about? Yes, you might be too young to remember, but a long time ago… a long, long time ago… something was taken from us… …more importantly, from me. And… this is the world’s fault? Yes. Back in the day, there was a video on the internet that came out. It was the perfect video. It fit my niche completely. I loved it. I cherished it. I.. embraced it. What are you talking about, man? Two, beautiful women, held up a glistening red Solo cup. The contents of which were the excrement of another human being. “Two Girls, One Cup.” THAT is what gets ME off. Do you understand? WHERE ARE YOU? Wait! We should hear him out. GOD NO. They took it from us! They made that video impossible to find! What I enjoyed was deemed as unworthy and unclean! The free market should decide what the people can consume! I’m sorry man, I don’t know if I’m with you on this one. Too bad, because all of you soon will be! Behold! My greatest creation! He used to be man. But he, like all of you, will join my family of Scarabaeoidea. And then I. WILL HAVE. MY. REVENGE! NOW YOU DIE. Scarabaeoidea? “Scarabaeoidea, in Layman’s terms it means: the dung beetle species.” (the scientist) That’s right. Once everyone has become part of the dung beetle family, I will have them cover the world… in SHIT! My creation, get them! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! My entire life, I’ve wanted the opportunity… …to make the world a better place. And this is what you give me? YIAAAH! Looks like that was one bug… …that was too hard to catch. Fuck you, we’re going home!