I’m so done with you,
dude. Get that shit
out of here. I’m Diana Terranova,
and I’m here to lead you through your facial
experience today. What’s my name?
-What’s my name? -Diana.
-Diana. -I said, “What’s my name?”
-Ow, what the fuck? What’s my name? I didn’t know I signed up
for this shit. Diana, Diana, is —
Your name is Diana. I’m so sorry. You guys, I’m so sorry.
I forgot to tell you. When you slap somebody, it increases the blood
flow to their skin. Oh. I have some rules.
-Mm-hmm. We’re gonna keep it still,
so no flailing about ’cause you don’t want to squish
any of these beauties. Ohhh. Oh, my God.
Oh, oh. I think you should
close your eyes. -Okay.
-And there. Ohh.
This will help you
to be one with the snails. Okay.
Snail facials are so popular
all over Asia… -Ew.
-…and the truth is that mucus from snails
contains glycoprotein. Oh, God. They charge up to $200 for these
cute little guys’ face cream. It’s amazing.
-That is amazing. -What?
-Mm, my lip. -What?
-My lip. I don’t know where the one
that was on my face went. Shh,
he wants you to be silent. Please don’t put it
on my mouth. -Silence.
-Okay. So we need to take it up
to the next level. -Ah.
-Are you kidding? -Yes.
-Ah, shit. -Why are you laughing?
-I’m not. These beautiful creatures
are whiptail scorpions, to stimulate your essence.
-Oh. I don’t know
if I can do it. I’m very ticklish. I don’t want to jump up,
and this tickles. This is there.
I’m about to jump up
if he get in the armpit. I’m gonna jump up. I don’t want to jump up
and kill nobody. No, if he goes in the armpit,
he gonna tickle me. -Mm.
-I’m about to fucking jump up. -Get them off —
-You’re gonna what? -I —
-No, you’re not. -Okay, you’re right.
-No, you’re not. You’re right.
I’m not gonna do anything.
You’re not keeping it together. -Ah!
-I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. It’s okay. Ah.
Ah, no. Ah, oh, God.
Oh, God. Ah!
-I feel okay. -Geez.
-See, it’s working. Oh, no.
What are you doing? You like that? Good job, keep going. No, please, stop.
I can’t move. I’m gonna eat that box
like it’s shrimp. Gentlemen, with the walk
of the beautiful orb-weaver… Long as
you don’t put it on me. …I’m gonna join all seven
of your chakras together. Okay? Yes.
-I don’t — oh. -Yes.
-Ah. It’s a spider. Join all seven of your chakras
-Oh, yeah. -Ah!
-Bring them on. -There you go.
-Ah! Why don’t you put it
on the nipple? Here we go, yes,
on your way. Oh, my God. I’m getting eaten alive. They’re making webs. They all love you. It’s in my armpit. -Yay.
-Ah! But after this,
I very much hope that your seven chakras
will have been cleansed. See,
now we’re all joined. We’re all part
of one big web. [ Laughs ] I can’t
not laugh at that. -We are now one.