Coronation Street | Full Frontal with Samantha Bee | TBS

Coronation Street | Full Frontal with Samantha Bee | TBS

I am Samantha Bee. Welcome to Full Frontal. Friday, the world
watched America swear in, as its 45th
president, the concept of white male mediocrity. Oh, yeah, it really happened. Donald Trump laid his
little pussy grabbing paw on top of two more books than
he’s ever read in his life, and spoke the most
solemn vow he’s uttered since his third wedding. So help me God. So help me God. No! Help me, God! Was that– I’m sorry,
was that thunder we heard, or the faint
echo of Jack boots? At the bedrock of
our politics will be a total allegiance to the
United States of America. From this day forward, it’s
going to be only America first. America first. This moment is your moment. It belongs to you. To me? Or to this kid? (SINGING) Tomorrow
belongs to me. Oh, Paul Ryan’s new intern
has such a pure voice. Such pure blood. Listen, Mr. President,
you don’t know me. I’m Sam B, I make a
lot of jokes about you, but I don’t think you’re Hitler. However, that Goldman
Sachs wormtongue who tells you what to say is
filling your mouth with more Nazi code than Enigma. Are you the only 70-year-old
man in America who doesn’t watch the History Channel? President Trump delivered
his pet frogs morning in dystopia speech
to a mall that had more empty white space
than the Republican plan to replace Obamacare. Presumably because
most attendees were brutally murdered upon
arrival in an urban city. Damn the old American carnage! The low turnout
apparently brought back some painful memories
for the president, who spent the next four days
insisting that there were, like, a million people there. You just have to count all
the bots, Russian trolls, and Twitter eggs. The whole day was swollen
with lugubrious pomp, and freighted with
menace that left a lot of us feeling
like we’d just installed Trump, Emperor of Doom. It was surreal, and
frankly, not very funny. Fortunately, the
previous night gave us the inaugural concert, which was
surreal, and fucking hilarious. The concert was a
lot like Woodstock, in that it often felt like
we’d all eaten the brown acid. [MUSIC PLAYING] Ah. Somehow I no longer
feel bad about cutting all funding for the arts. The new administration received
some much needed gravitas from the US Army Band,
performing a tune that instantly connotes
institutional competence and respect for authority. [MUSIC PLAYING] Oddly enough, now that
Trump’s in charge, a lot of us are expecting the
Spanish Inquisition. Look, I know our country
is horribly divided, but for a moment
I felt a kinship with the Trump family and their
palpable, heartfelt boredom with 3 Doors Down. (SINGING) If only
for your good. So hold me when I’m here– That glass is to keep
them from escaping. But the most captive
audience of all wasn’t the 45th
president, but the 16th, who was so distraught
that he begged for someone to shoot him again. Fortunately, he was rescued
by four incredibly happy Mormons gang banging
one piano, then desperately trying to reassure
us we weren’t going to die. (SINGING) But no matter what
they say, or what they say, it’s gonna be, gonna be OK. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Eh, eh, eh, eh. It’s gonna be, gonna be OK. Relax, bro. You’re four white,
Christian guys from Utah. Things are going
to be OK for you. By the way, in the Church
of Latter Day Saints, it’s legal for one piano
to have four husbands. The event reached patriotic
white male mediocrity with a performance
of the Iraq war hit “God Bless The USA,”
sung by either Lee Greenwood, or a poorly disguised
Vladimir Putin. Still looking into it. Did I mention the
cancer was officially called the Make America Great
Again, exclamation point, Welcome Celebration? And what makes America great? Apparently the total absence
of any women whatsoever. Trump’s concert was
like his cabinet– male, overwhelmingly white,
and devoid of A-list talent. Though, to be fair, Rebecca
Ferguson was invited. She said she would
perform if she could sing “Strange Fruit,” the
Billie Holiday song about lynchings in the south. Unfortunately, her condition
wasn’t accepted by the Trump team, who instead
had Toby Keith sing his version of “Strange Fruit.” (SINGING) Take all
the rope in Texas. Find a tall oak tree. Round up all them bad boys,
hang them high in the street. For all the good people to see. Great choice, Toby. Let the healing begin. You know, between the militant
country music and the tractors rolling down Pennsylvania
Avenue like a John Deere Panzer Division, the
messaging was hard to miss. Trump couldn’t have given
a bigger middle finger to urban dwellers
if he’d built three more Washington Monuments. But this isn’t the
first time the Queens billionaire has cosplayed
a good old country boy. (SINGING) Green Acres
is the place to be. Farm living is the life for me! Land spreading out
so far and wide. Keep Manhattan, and just
give me that countryside. He told us his electoral
college strategy 11 years ago, and we didn’t listen. Why? Look, I know the
concert was days ago, but since then our president
has been plopping out scary executive orders
like a rhino that got into the White Castle dumpster. The only thing tethering
me to joy and sanity right now is a guy with
too many drums, and a piano with too many guys, OK? So far this week,
our new overlord has torn up treaties,
taken the first steps toward a Muslim ban, ordered
the construction of his dumb ass wall, and threatened
to invade Chicago like his own little Crimea. Dress rehearsal’s over, guys. The tragedy has begun. So, as the curtain goes up
on Shit Show the Musical, I want you all to take the
hands of the people sitting next to you, squeeze tight,
and remember– really remember that the president
could only get 3 Doors Down to play at his inauguration. We’ll be right back.

100 thoughts on “Coronation Street | Full Frontal with Samantha Bee | TBS”

  1. America First and tomorrow belongs to you?! The 1930s called and wants their fascism back…What is so chilling is that Overlord Drumpf and his henchment don't even pretend to care about covering up their agenda and have started on day 1 what so many of us feared as the road to dictatorship. Vilifying the press? Check. Presenting lies as reality and even giving it a name (alternative facts)? Check. Refusal of Refugees from specific countries (except those that do business with POTUS)? Check. Talks of a racial/religious registry to facilitate isolation and the final solution? Check. Help!

  2. The Monty Python bit… Perfection! FYI, the name of the song is "The Liberty Bell" and it's an American military march song that Monty Python used because it was in the public domain — and because Terry Gilliam is American, not British. I guess British directors are so bad they had to hire an American!

  3. She's just not very funny. I'm trying to like her, but its just not happening for me, can anyone explain? I kind of liked her on john stewart, but its as if she runs out of material and just throws in things she knows her crowd will laugh at when the "laugh" sign comes on. sorry.

  4. At some isn't she going to have to be funny? Clapping is the same as saying "I like what you said but it'd not funny."

  5. USA the vainglorious "greatest country on earth" humiliated daily for the next 4 years by it's crazy president Trump.

    Who said God did not have a sense of humor? 🙂

  6. well there goes my brain cell no more university for me you just haaaaaaaaaaaad to show trumps inauguration. 3doors gave me 3 kinda of experinces ptsd, seizure, and a heart attack all at the same time. and I'm canadian wouldn't want to imagine how Americans feel now.

  7. sam, you are a horrid corporatist. you are actually rather awful. you and oliver and noah will regret the lines youve chosen to draw in the sand. you picked a bad team, and now you are lying to justify it. you are all awful. you helped destroy the left, and you got behind a terrible human in hillary. ill be so happy when the old daily show crew fall on your faces. youve all disgraced the legacy of mr stewart.

  8. Thousands of white men marched with us last Saturday! Many white men do get it and are just as sickened as anyone else by what's happening to our country.

  9. This is so embarrassing. Not all Americans voted for him. In fact, most voters didn't vote for him at all. He'll tell you all day long that he won the popular vote. The truth is that he didn't. I don't care if the gap came from New York or California. The fact is that the gap in popular vote came from an AMERICAN state. The electoral college won him the election.
    Even the dumbest of the dumb know that "the electoral college is a disaster for democracy." Guess who said that..

  10. Trump American Hymn

    Love Emperor Trump
    for He is the salvation of America
    Obey His every word
    for He alone can lead you into the light of tomorrow
    Heed all His wisdom
    for He alone can protect you from corruption
    Whisper His prayers with utter devotion,
    for they are your salvation
    Honor His faithful servants,
    for they speak his word
    Tremble beneath His majesty,
    for we all tread in His Eternal shadow

  11. someone should have Trump re-watch all the seasons of Sesame Street, so he can learn a bit about the difference between moral and despicable.

  12. Thanks for the Dune reference. But Leto II was at least an intellectual tyrant who had the ability to foresee future and make people bored with peace for thousands of years. Still, doesn't justify his tyranny, but I'd take Leto II over Trump any day.

  13. This show is totally garbage this is so not funny. Imagine if it was Obama on the other end. This show is totally a liberal pos show

  14. At least the Draft Dodger in Chief has a YUGE model of an Air Force Congressional Medal of Honor hanging on his wall. That makes everything better, right?

  15. Seriously, like why are you even a thing? Your certainly not talented. Your not remotely funny. Your not even attractive. I don't get it. Why are you still on tv? You make millions and millions of dollars in a country you obviously hate by beating the same tired joke into the ground again and again. Could you at least switch it up and go pounce on another easy target like Bill Cosby or something or just maybe hold up your end of the bargain and move back to where you came from.

  16. Captions: "Did I mention the cancer was called the Make America Great Again"

    Don't know if they misheard or intentionally messed up. Works either way.

  17. Now I know why conservatives don't think she's funny. It's because she makes fools of the pansy conservatives and I can tell they can't stand it.  Now that's funny!!

  18. Well Sam I wonder what will happen to you if your dreams come true and you are subjected to Sharia .First you would be whipped for not covering your mean face and you would have to wear the fashionable garbage bags by Dior .Also for talking without being asked ,a beating would occu, but for some reason your face would be spared .

  19. America first? Replace the word "America" with the word "me." Yeah! That's what you cheered for you Godless filth.

  20. There's a song from my childhood with the phrase "two doors down" that has more relevance in my mind than Three Doors Down, the band.

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