Bob Mortimer, the Cockroach King – Would I Lie to You?

Bob Mortimer, the Cockroach King – Would I Lie to You?


My first taste of fame was when the
local newspaper dubbed me the Cockroach King. David’s team. What was the newspaper? My local. It was called the South London
Press. So, are you from South London? I was in the lead up to the
headline… ..the Cockroach King. Why were you in the public eye?
Doing what? I was a solicitor at the time…
Mm-hm. ..and I sued the local authority… ..because of cockroach infestations
in the council houses. Yes! Yes! AUDIENCE CLAP AND APPLAUD That’s what I did. And, of course, it was that kind of
style in court that won the day. We settled outside of court,
actually. But the… I have to change the names. Because these are real legal
proceedings that we’re talking
about. Why does the fact that it’s real
legal proceedings mean that you have to change the names? Because I don’t think it’s fair to
say that, let’s say she’s called Barbara
Lighthouse, lived in the horror of cockroach
infestation. Were you representing Barbara
Lighthouse? I was, yes. She had engaged your
services? She had engaged my services. I visited her property. It must have been ages to get to the
top. There were Egyptian cockroaches. So, I had an idea, right? I said, “I bet this is bad for your
mental health, “living with cockroaches.” And I, erm, took them to the
Magistrates’ Court on a private criminal prosecution
under the Public Health Act. Why’re you counting every letter in
the sentence? Because… Are you working out how much to
charge her? You mentioned Egyptian cockroaches.
The Egyptian cockroach, yeah. I wasn’t aware that there were
different types. They live in the concrete and they
can actually live off the concrete that the buildings
are made of. They can eat concrete? Yep. Bob… They’ve got some ha-a-ard
cockroaches. They live in the concrete? They nip out to go behind the fridge
or the cooker, or to turn the lights out. What were the size of these Egyptian
cockroaches? They’re long and thin, slip right
in. That’s my profile on Tinder! The phrase Cockroach King would
suggest a champion of the cockroaches, other than an
opponent. Or, in fact, their leader. Did you lead the cockroaches away,
like the Pied Piper? No, I didn’t. AUDIENCE LAUGH What happened was, is I got an
expert from the University of Cambridge called
Broccoli Highkicks. Again, I’ve changed his name. His brief from me was, “Can you in
any way argue that this is contrary
to public health?” He confirmed it, went to court… It’s all coming every so clear,
now… We went to court, yeah? Ronnie Omelettes was the housing
officer. You haven’t changed his name, have
you? And what was she called…?
Barbara Lighthouse. Barbara Lighthouse brought a clear
jar of the cockroaches with her and
poured them over Ronnie Omelettes. Right? Of course, he was very frightened,
didn’t know what to do, at which point Barbara Lighthouse
said, “I think I’ve made my point.” You know, to the housing officer. “This is what I live with.” So, the Council agreed to rehouse. Next day, the Cockroach King. Right, what you going to say, David? It’s that bizarre that only Bob
could make it up, so I think that’s true. That doesn’t make sense. So, you’re
saying… So, you’re saying, only Bob could
make it up, then he could have made it up? Only Bob can make it up like that. Right. So convincing. So, we’re in trouble, aren’t we? Because, what you’re saying, if
anyone else had said it, it would definitely be true, because
they couldn’t have invented it. The one person who’s saying it is
also coincidentally the only human who could also have invented
it. Yes. What a terrible set of
circumstances. You think it’s true? I think it’s
true. Do you think it’s true? Yes, let’s
say it’s true. We’re going to go true. OK. Now, Bob, truth or lie? I was telling… ..the truth.

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